Show, Don’t Tell – Tips for Mastering This Critical Writing Skill

In past posts on writing tips, we’ve covered dialogue and character development. Next in our series is one of the most hated phrases writers loath to hear: “Show, don’t tell.” Many writers groan when they receive this type of feedback from their editors, and for good reason! Show, don’t tell is as ambiguous as can be for feedback. So, what exactly does show, don’t tell mean? Well, we’re here to clear things up with a few examples.

A Definition of Show, Don’t Tell:

Show, don’t tell is a writing technique that forgoes simple narrative exposition and uses language in a way that calls on the senses. It’s an effective way of immersing the reader into the scene as if they themselves were there. In short, “showing” paints a scene for the reader, while telling simply states a fact.

Let’s look at some examples of showing and telling, side by side:

Telling:

It was a cold winter night. Lucy stepped out of the house and headed into the woods for firewood.

Showing:

The frigid air nipped Lucy’s bare cheeks the moment she stepped out of the warm house, warning her of the impending frostbite if she didn’t hurry it up. Her flashlight cut through the thick darkness, casting a faint glow on the woods in the distance. The snow crunched under her weight as she trudged her way to the woods.

Notice the difference in the two examples above? The telling example is short, concise and factual, but doesn’t set a mood for the scene or immerse the reader through their senses. In the showing example, though it takes some time to reveal that it’s a cold winter night, the detail provided sets the mood and draws the reader in by appealing to the senses. You can feel how cold the air is on Lucy’s skin, see how dark it is by the way the light cuts through the night, and hear and feel what it’s like to walk through a lot of snow.

But how do you actually write prose that shows and doesn’t tell? Well, let’s break it down.

Step 1 – Remove Filter Verbs:

Filter verbs or sensory verbs are weak verbs that state sensory action such as “saw,” “smelled,” or “felt”. They state a factual action the character is doing, but forms a barrier between the text and the reader. The best course of action here to avoid telling is to describe what it is the character is seeing, smelling, or feeling.

Telling:

Mark felt tired.

Showing:

Mark yawned. His eyes, heavy with sleep, drooped closed as he nodded off.

Step 2 – Remove Emotion Words:

Emotion words are words that describe a feeling such as anger, terror, love, or sadness. Like filter verbs, it’s best to drop these words and instead describe what those emotions feel like.

Telling:

Timmy was scared.

Showing:

Timmy peaked over the blankets, his breathing heavy and heart screaming in his chest. Long claw-like shadows loomed across his bedroom walls and slithered their way towards his bed. Howling and scratching shook his bedroom window, and Timmy shuddered, ducking under the blankets.

Step 3 – Use Body Language:

In the everyday, body language keys us into what others are feeling. It’s the same for body language in text. Describing how a character’s body reacts to someone or something can reveal much about what the character is feeling.

Telling:

Lisa had the biggest crush on John, though she wouldn’t admit it.

Showing:

Mary pulled Lisa aside. “Do you have a crush on John?”

Lisa blushed, looking down at her feet. “No.”

Step 4 – Don’t Overdo It:

Like all things in life, balance is necessary when it comes to showing and telling. Believe it or not, but it is possible to overuse showing and that in itself can be a detriment to your writing. Sometimes you’ll want to make use of telling to get information across to the reader quickly and without bogging it down with description and detail. The key is knowing when to use which technique.

Now that you’ve been briefed on “Show, Don’t Tell”, you’re ready to polish up that manuscript. From there, you might want a second set of eyes to look things over. If you need help, the Aaxel Author Group offer manuscript evaluations  to let you know how you’re doing with your story. Contact us to book your manuscript evaluation or download our Author Success Tracker for guidance.